A Nighttime Diversion

Some people are just dicks.

There's nothing you can do about it. You're driving to work one morning, and for no apparent reason, someone decides to make your life worse. There's no justification for it. It doesn't make them happier, or better, or make their lives easier. They're just awful, nasty people. So they cut you off in traffic, drive too slow, and give you dirty looks. These people are what's wrong with the world. They're why the terrorists are winning.

I hate people like this. I saw one of them at the grocery store the other night. I was there to get milk. I like milk. It makes for strong bones. So there I was in the refrigerated section, digging behind the old milk looking for the new milk, they always hide the fresh stuff in the back, when I saw him. He was bothering the girl at the deli counter. They were out of chickens. Ass. Like somehow it's her fault they're out of chickens.

I quit worrying about the milk. I could get milk any time. Here was an asshole, right in front of me. Something had to be done.

As he headed up front to pay for his purchases, sans chicken, I grabbed a few things at random off the canned vegetable aisle and followed him to the checkout counter. I hung back and let someone step in between us, and then got in line. I didn't want him to notice me too near him, but I didn't want him to get away either.

After I payed for my cans of peas and fruit cocktail, I nodded and laughed at the small talk of the guy bagging my groceries. He just wanted to be noticed. I didn't catch his name. I was trying to watch the dick out of the corner of my eye so I could see which way he went when he stepped into the parking lot.

I had parked near the door in a handicapped spot. I always do. I'm never there long, if anybody bothers to call the cops I'll be long gone before they get there. They can't get there quick enough to save you from a robbery, they certainly aren't going to get there fast enough to boot my car. Since I was parked so close to the door, it wasn't hard for me to be in my car and watching him before he was ready to pull out of the parking lot.

I followed him down the expressway, never too close or too far, for miles. We passed a few other grocery stores as we drove down the edge of the city. I started to wonder why he'd drive all the way over to my grocery store just for chicken. Maybe he just likes the kind they sell there. Maybe he's neurotic. I sped up a little to vary the distance between us. The key to following someone in traffic is inconsistency. People are self absorbed. They only think of themselves while driving. If you want to seem natural when following others, you have to seem to be ignoring others.

After a while, he turned down a residential road. This is always the dangerous part. It's easy to give yourself away following someone down a residential road late at night. So instead of turning in after him, I drove past the side road. That way, if he was looking in his rear view, he'd see me drive past. After a few hundred feet, I turned around and drove back to the turn off.

This is where stalking someone is more of an art than a science. His car wasn't visible from where I was, so I had to guess what to do. Do I turn down one of the many side roads in the neighborhood, or keep going straight ahead?

I went ahead and drove straight ahead for a few blocks and then turned down another road. This one would take me out of this neighborhood and onto another main road. Sure enough, there was his car ahead of me, turning into a driveway. Looked like tonight I was going to get lucky.

I pulled into someone else's driveway and shut the engine off. He got out of his car, grabbed his grocery bags, and headed into the house. I waited for about twenty minutes, but he never came back out. You can't hurry these things. Sometimes people forget their purse or their hat in the car and run back out for it. If they don't come out in twenty minutes, they aren't coming out any time soon.

I pulled out of the driveway I was parked in and drove slowly towards his house. I parked in the street a few houses away from his car. I turned the engine back off and opened the trunk of the car. I opened the duffel bag I keep in the bag and pulled out the mask and gloves. I started keeping this bag in the car a while back. You never know when you might need it, it's just good to be prepared.

After a few minutes, the lights in the window flicked off. He must be headed up to bed.

I worked my way around to the back of the house. There was a sliding glass door in the back. Like most people, he hadn't bothered to jam anything behind the door to keep it in place. He hadn't even engaged the lock. I let myself in quietly.

I really hate people who don't treat others with respect. People deserve better than that. They shouldn't be seen as animals. I mean, really.

There ought to be a law.